tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
