i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
