First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
