I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just gift wrapped bread.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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