Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
