How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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