so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
