i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
