When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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