i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
