why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
