glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
