hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
