DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
