oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
