i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Will exercising make me less horny?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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