That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the condom got lost in my hair
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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