If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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