Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Boobs speak an international language.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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