omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
