Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
