Dude my mom stole all your condoms
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
