Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
