White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
