dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
