Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
