We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
