you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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