Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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