that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
