I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
