dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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