operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
