Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
