I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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