I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
