I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
