so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
