I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
