Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have already put on my inside pants.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
