Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
