he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
