im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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