i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
