The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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