Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
