i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
