using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
