so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
