I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
