True but thats because hes a fetus.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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