I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
