i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
