i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
