Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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