The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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