we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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